To give a little background and expand on the subject of my last installment of "Moments with Anah" I thought it would be good to make a whole blog entry about it. I hope you enjoy and as always, I welcome your comments and feedback!
For the last year or so I had been pressuring myself to put out more hoop videos in order to stay with the “trend” of all the youtube hoopers. The problem is, I tend to freeze on camera or on stage for that matter. Seriously, video of me at my best is super super rare. When I first started hooping (16 years ago or so) there was no youtube, there were generally no cameras around and the way to progress your skills was to go to events regularly and hoop for hours on end. SO of course, my best flow has always come out in the middle of a bunch of people with loud music. Not really ideal when it comes to putting together a (hopefully) regular video series. This conflict had me frustrated and blaming myself for not being able to do what other hoopers I admire seem to do so easily. Just switch on the camera and FLOW dammit! Thank goodness I finally woke out of a deep sleep (both literal and metaphorical) with the “aha” that I had been attaching my worth to my supposed “failure” to do more videos. In this brief moment, halfway between sleep and awake, I felt in my bones how silly that is! I got, on a gut level that my worth cannot decrease OR increase and that regardless if I ever put out another video in my LIFE, I was still worthy, enough and perfect. In this moment my vision suddenly became clear. I saw that while I would not be WORTH more if I overcame my blocks in filming myself, I would be adding tremendous VALUE to my life and hopefully, others. Because I was no longer taking fact that there was work to be done to mean something was WRONG with me, I saw the most obvious next step. And it certainly was NOT jumping straight to the ability to rock my highest flow on camera for all to see. What is actually next is a far more humble step. I have to learn a new way to practice with the hoop… So, yeah… I had been putting the cart before the horse! First, I have to learn to practice by myself (gasp), perhaps filming myself as a part of that, THEN, putting videos out will be a piece of cake and I will wonder what all the fuss was about. I get that now, in taking the true first step (which at first blush seems much farther away from the end goal) paradoxically, I am closer then ever to stepping up my video offerings. This insight was only possible because I disentangled my worth from my value. I literally could not see the obvious because I was too wrapped up in proving myself through external means. ~whew~
Upon diving deeper into this insight I saw that everyone, young or old, rich or poor has the same inherent worth as any human being on this planet. Separate from this always existing, never changing inherent worth is what, for the sake of identifying the distinction, I am calling “personal value”. I define personal value as those things we learn or offer that add value to our lives or others. This could be learning a new skill, offering a new service, or anything else that enhances your experience of life. So while everyone has the same worth, a person who endeavors to do the work necessary in the fields that inspire them, can add more value to the world then one who does not. Can you see how slippery this is? We can so easily fall into assessing our worth (and others) based on what we are doing in the world! If we successfully separate our own value (and others) from our worth, we will be kinder to ourselves and more compassionate towards others. When we stop confusing the two and taking the circumstances of our lives so personally, we can begin to undertake the work (different for each of us) that will increase the richness of our lives and the world. Another way to make this distinction would be;
“Worth” is something you ARE and “Value” is something you HAVE.
All steps are equal in the journey of life. It is only our minds tendency to place our self worth at stake that would have us disgruntled with take a humble step, rather then an impressive one. If you really get how untouchable your Self-Worth actually IS, as opposed to how we perceive it to be, then all the uncertainty and doubt disappears. If nothing you do, or don’t do, changes your intrinsic worth, you are FREE. Free to make choices based on what will truly improve your life, rather than what you think will establish your worth. You see the next action clearly and without resistance. And your actions and choices, made free of the underlying confusion that comes with thinking your worth is at stake, will be more enjoyable and likely more successful. Even if the outward action is the same, it will hold a different energy and thus, likely yield a far more positive result.
Buoyed by the sense of your worth, you can much more easily take on those things that need to change or shift in order to increase your value and bring more richness, skills and experience into your life and those around you. In this way the value you hold and offer to the world CAN decrease and increase based on things like how closely we are living up to our own idea of personal integrity, our ability to achieve our goals and whether or not we are living the life we envision for ourselves. However, because you are coming from a place of being filled up with the sense of your unalterable, infinite worth, you can take the ups and downs inherent in the journey of your life with a sense of lightness. It won’t sting so much when you fail and you won’t cling so hard when you succeed. Your actions will become just a fascinating ride, which you take less and less personally and contribute more and more, because you are FREE!
Photo by Cadencia Photography