I haven't been feeding my soul very well lately. Instead of meditation I have spoon fed it media. Instead of yoga I have mainlined rushing around looking busy, while accomplishing little. Instead of connection, I have given it isolation. Is it any wonder, this last week I have been tired almost all day long? I thought maybe it was a post eclipse hangover or shoot... maybe even a post weekend pot hangover ;) Regardless of any good sounding excuses, my default brain would like to spin a story that something is wrong with me. That I have fallen off my path. That I am LOST. I know this voice isn't me. I know that it is just a lure to dark familiar places. I have learned to resist the urge to jump onto the spiraling water slide towards doom and gloom. Instead I peer over the edge, waving wanly as it beckons.
Isn't it funny how well we can know ourselves, and yet make choices that lead us away from happiness and fulfillment, instead of towards? If you don't yet know what food your soul needs to thrive, look to the moments in life where you feel the best. And I don't mean the momentary pleasure of that cute cat video online, I mean that deep down feeling. The one that makes a smile come from your toes and erupt upwards out of the top of your head. The one that makes your eyes get misty and opens your heart. Or maybe its a quiet simple thing that has you feel just simply YOU. You know, THAT thing. We all have those things that cause our soul to be nourished, flowing and growing. For me its, movement, community, meditation, good nutrition and GROWTH. We also know those things that cause us stagnation and sorrow. Like too much internet, TV and distraction. And yet.... and YET. We still occasionally go down the dark, weedy path. The one with scary things lurking in the trees, where up is down and down is up. Or at least I do. Perhaps it is because the path, once lost, causes such pleasure and inspiration to bubble up within when found again. Maybe it's simply the gift of contrast that has us ride the ride even when we KNOW the way to joy is the other direction. Or maybe it's that every time we get lost, we discover yet another back road back to ourselves... growing the sense of our own dimensions. Or maybe we just get a little tired sometimes... tired of the effort it takes to maintain our equilibrium in the wildness that is life. And so we take that right turn at Albuquerque... just for a time.
Perhaps the key is to surrender, just enough to accept, the dank undergrowth when one finds one there, while being ever ready to follow the first butterfly or thing of beauty that flits into our awareness. Perhaps it's to never leave your own side, even when you are sick and tired of the same old road, the one you thought you had left behind. Maybe it's giving ourselves permission to start again... and again... and again.
And just like that, my soul feels just a little bit nourished. You see, one of the things my particular soul thrives off of is growth via vulnerability. The simple act of sharing my inner most experience, whether or not anyone actually reads it, brings my soul out of the darkness and set onto her way out of the woods. A little dance, a little laughter, a little meditation, a little time with friends and maybe some time with my hands in the dirt of my garden, sets me further on my way to a fat and happy soul. It is possible to have all the external comforts and privilege and yet have a starving soul. What can you feed your soul today? What do you need to thrive?
As always, we are all in this together!