Nights spent dancing can reap huge inner benefits for me. The physical release alone is life altering, but add the steady stream of "AHA'S" and there is almost nowhere I would rather be. If you and I are ever at the same party and you see me run from the dance floor to type on my phone, I am probably making a note of some realization or insight made mid dance. Something about movement, in combination with close interaction with people, is ripe for triggers and their accompanied breakthroughs. In the same night described in yesterdays blog I wrote another such note.
When I dance, sometimes I worry about things. One of the common ones (among other things like dancing well, whether or not I am still "attractive") is worry about being "too much". Too expressive, too energetic, taking up too much space or attracting too much attention... etc etc. While its true that I can certainly take up some space, the worry part of it usually serves to squelch my brightness. I have been aware of this part of me that seeks to diminish the fullness of myself for some time. Usually I cut myself loose again by essentially reminding myself that feeling good is more important than worrying about ANYTHING and that it is OK to fully enjoy myself. This particular mantra came about after reading "the subtle art of not giving a f*ck"... HIGHLY recommended! However, the other night it didn't really have the usual freeing effect. Instead I started pondering; "but isn't that selfish? I also want to leave space for other people to be and not suck all the energy in the room..!" Momentarily stuck in the apparent dilemma between full freedom of authentic expression and the desire to make room for others magnificence, my brow furrowed and my dance subsided (only a little). Thankfully, the new era of mental simplicity swooped in to save the day, or the dance in this case. I recognized that my full enjoyment of self INCLUDES the joy of others freedom to be themselves. In remembering that my freedom and others freedom don't have to be mutually exclusive, I was able to grant myself permission to move as my body delights again. I saw myself, as if from a distance, gracefully doing my thing and simultaneously creating an easy space for others to play in. I saw how much pleasure it gives me to witness and inspire others to cut loose and be themselves too. Whew! Thank goodness!
It's incredible the effect that mentally freeing myself has on my body's movement. I can go from feeling uninspired and sticky in my dance to fully integrated in the music and liquid flow in the space of a breath. On the dance floor it may seem like I am just jumping around and having a good time. Sometimes, and from an outside perspective, this is certainly true. But inside, I am often having a full blown catharsis and healing adventure. In some ways the two are one in the same. I am never more satisfied than when my sweat is flowing at the same time as my insights. Hooping and dance are my perfect medicine. As I dance, my nervous system gets set and re-set for freedom, celebration and love. As I dance, I feel the connectivity of mind and body. Ephemeral and physical. Spirit and matter. As I dance, I feel the line separating the two as more and more illusory. As thoughts and feelings arise, I get to meet them with presence, compassion and wisdom. I get to see the simplest answer is usually the truest one. I get to find peace and lose it, and find it again. I get to find freedom and lose it, and find it again. And all the while I DANCE.