Hoopalicious' Blog

on depth, simplicity and love

So much of my journey as of late has been about engaging with life from a deeper level. I'm not always in it, but the gems of insight I am getting lately have a sweet simplicity, like a gourmet "aha". With fresh, locally sourced ingredients and nothing too heavy. Bogged down with neither too much spice or sweet. Just one or two flavors and something pretty on the side for that finishing touch. Case in point, I woke from a dream in the middle of the night last night with thoughts of re-defining the list of things I want in a man. I don't know about you guys, but many women of the soul seeking variety have heard the advice, and taken it, to write a detailed list of all the things you want in your soulmate. To not hold anything back... political stance, career, hobbies (etc) and even down to the smallest details like hair color, the sound of his laugh and size of his shoes. I have such a list, written and re-written many times over. I get the reason for the detail, and it helped me a lot at the time... to really feel free to ask the universe for what I thought would work the best for me. Here is what my dream last night told me I was missing. 

Instead of the details, ask yourself how you think each thing on your list will make you feel. If your list consists of how you want your future perfect partner to cause you to FEEL, it creates the room for the universe to create freely, something that is missing with a list that is too focused on details.

For example; My list usually has "great dancer" on it. When I asked myself how being with a great dancer would make me feel, the answer was surprising. It was "understood and granted freedom". Turns out for me, I wanted a great dancer because I thought a dancer would understand my need to disappear on to the dance floor at a party and go into my zone. I thought a dancer would understand dance culture and the beautiful friendships between men and women. In my mind a dancer wouldn't be jealous of my intimate relationships with my friends. A dancer would love that I never wear heals to go out, in case I want to get my groove on. Actually, many things on my list had "be understood and granted freedom" as a core reason. Can you see the beauty, depth and simplicity in this? By asking for what I REALLY want, to feel understood and granted freedom to be, I give over this vision with trust to the universe to create. I widen my view and get willing to be surprised. By having too narrow and surface a focus, "great dancer", I could have met someone who fit that image, gotten into a relationship expecting to be understood and granted freedom to be, only to find myself still missing that important piece. Understanding someone and having the strength of character to grant them being, have nothing to do with how much someone loves to dance. By getting in touch with how you want to feel, rather than what you think its supposed to LOOK like, you grant the universe freedom to create a masterpiece. 

Do you have a list like this? I invite you to read it and inquire within on WHY you want that? How do you think it will make you feel to have that? Re-write your list with just the new feeling on it. Here is mine:

  1. A man who seeks to understand me, loves what he sees and grants me freedom to be myself.
  2. A man with which I never feel the need to hold myself as less active, energetic, intelligent, wise or successful than I really am. 
  3. A man who I feel sexy, alive and vibrant with. 
  4. A man who I find myself in many adventures with, near and far. 
  5. A man with whom conversation feels elevated, both in wisdom and humor.
  6. A man who I feel cozy, safe and warm with.
  7. A man who I never have to feel embarrassed to wear heels or dress up with. 
  8. A man who I feel petite and womanly with. 
  9. A man who I never have to worry about leaving alone at a party. 
  10. A man who I laugh easily with and am often awed and surprised by. 
  11. A man I feel safe to tell all my secrets too. 
  12. A man I feel a deep level of respect for. 
  13. A man who brings out the nurturing woman in me. 
  14. A man who brings out my mischief and spice.
  15. A man who brings out my vulnerability and heart.

You see, the universe knows EXACTLY what kind of man will create the picture I paint with my list. By focusing on how I want to FEEL, I am in my BODY and my heart instead of my head. By listing how I want to feel, I see how much of this I already have in my relationship to myself. This creates a deep sense of ease and patience in me. YES. Only for this will I break the sacred seal of solitude for. YES. Only the magnification of my own deepest essence reflected and enhanced by another, no matter his hair color, will do.

I want to see your list! Please add it to the comments.

In the deepest and brightest love~ xo Anah 

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