Today, I felt like I really needed a break from the mess of the world. In the last 4 days I have, like many of us, inundated myself with the news of Charlottesville, and related issues... I studied about the civil war, educated myself on the alt-right and the history of fascism. I gathered my courage and wrote 3 blogs in a row expressing my thoughts and views. I spent waaaaay too much time on facebook. I feel like I am processing not only the collective grief and shock of America, but my own process of sticking my neck out in the name of peace and social justice. As I was contemplating what to write about today, I caught myself thinking... "ugh. I just want a break from the fight.. and I have Hoop Camp to promote, and the awesome interview I just did with Shellie for the wild woman renaissance summit! How am I supposed to pivot to that stuff when I am totally bogged down with what is going on in the world??"
Then, I remembered that there are many people that don't have the option, or the privilege to "take a break" from the atrocities of the world.
With that thought, I had an "aha" moment. Feeling my nervous system cranked to high gear for 4 days straight, with anger, fear, despair and worry easily accessible, I thought to myself; "Holy shit. This must be a little taste of what it might feel like all the freakin time to be anyone but a white person. My heart sunk just a little lower, but in a firm and resolute way, instead of a "woe is me" way. In that moment, I resolved to discover a balance between keeping my eye on the prize of my personal goals and dreams, while also staying as active as possible in the collective social sphere. So, yeah... a break? No. I will not take a break in the manner in which I first wanted to. Instead, I will be discerning. I will not allow myself to sit on the sidelines just because I am feeling strong feelings, or I am tired... or scared. I will still take care of my health but I will do my best to keep sharing my voice as much as I can in the name of fighting the good fight. Above all, I will do my best to honor those that are IN IT far more than me, with no choice in the matter, by not pivoting to other things, just because I "feel like it".
It seems everything is happening all at once. Shit is hitting the fan, and I still have people counting on me to show up, and show up well. It is a new era for sure. Feeling a little out of my depth, and simultaneously more rooted and connected to a sense of purpose than ever before. All we can do is our best, I suppose, and appreciate beauty when it is there. Flowers growing up out of cracks in the pavement, a random butterfly in the middle of downtown, the tender support of dear friends, music and hooping, sunrises and sunsets. All MEDICINE in times like we find ourselves in now. I'm going to take two and call you all in the morning ;)
With love and truth~