Tonight is one of those times that inspiration is slow in coming. I sit to write my daily blog and struggle to find something I deem worthwhile to commit to the page (and to your eyes). I have a lot of "reasons" as to why this is. My horse has been sick since Monday, which has me at the barn 3 times as long as normal. I have been emotionally taxed by difficult communications with a loved one. Oh, and yeah... completely creating a whole new identity and life path in the world. No biggie. ha! Excuses aside, I can see that what I am feeling is no more dramatic or special than what happens for everyone, at some point, when they choose to take on a whole new set of habits (all at once, no less). The start is commonly exciting and full of thrills and adrenaline. I guess it's no surprise that at 12 days in I am beginning to feel the weariness that can visit when the initial "buzz" begins to wane. I think its about now that one must remind oneself as to why I/we would chose to simultaneously begin the daily practices of meditation, yoga/hooping/exercise, blogging and "Kylego" all at once. Oh yeah... because the half-assing it I was doing before just wasn't cutting it. Because I want to experience myself living the epic life I have been dreaming of, but didn't think I could have. Because I finally got that I can only give to the world as much as I give to myself. Because I am tired of having "almost there, but not quite" romantic relationships. Because I am already feeling the benefits of each individual practice and am devoted to being THAT person, not the outdated version... however endearing. Because I know that only I can motivate myself, and only I can act in according to my vision of life so I better get on it. Because I am 41 and want my 40's to be the most incredible decade yet. Because I freakin love myself and who I am becoming. YES! Ok, nice pep talk, me ;)
This is the first time in my life I am devoting my words, thoughts and actions to adding the quality of "dedication" to my personality matrix. Not in a militant sort of way, but in the feminine, loving devotion variety. Like a mother who won't back down when her youngling needs to have their medicine or she kicks them out to play when they have been on their device for too long. I have a vision of how the addition of this one quality, that has been lacking most of my life, has the power to give me a whole new life. Don't get me wrong. I love my life as it is now. To be real, even if it has been hard, I have always loved my life. AND I also see there is more of me to be realized. As in, I can love roses my whole life, but at some point the urge to branch out and discover new flowers pulls me, heart first into the wild gardens of the world.
As always, we are all in this together!