I have been in the process of reinventing myself this year. My first empowering step in this direction was deciding to sell my hoop business after 20 years in the circle. Since then I have learned a lot. I have discovered what I need most and what my biggest dreams and visions are. I have found new aspects of myself and old ones that have to go bye bye. In getting real about changing my life, I have been able to look at my life with new perspective, objectivity and creativity. I see now that the first order of business, beyond the grand visions I have for the future, is truly just laying the most basic of foundations. I am rich in many things. Support, spiritual insight, art, laughter, energy, compassion and life experience. The one thing that I have always struggled to find abundance in, is the most obvious form... MONEY. I can see now that living a self created life, in the most physical translation, is key for my next phase of evolution. I know.. I know... I am kinda ass backwards from most on this. Always GOTTA be different....sheesh!
My way in the world has been dependent, at varying degrees over time, on the generosity of my parents. At 41, I occupy the bottom half of my family home. This factoid has been embarrassing and not something I have always been able to say out loud. You might think it sounds great to have the comfy nest I have, but for me, being fully in my power will always be just out of my reach until I heal and juice up my relationship, or lack thereof, with money. I am so grateful to my parents for being so supportive, and also I had come to believe that I wasn't capable of providing for myself. I had struggled so long with the concept and reality of money, that I had built an identity around it.
The identity derisively labeled "41 year old broke artist living at home", has kept me from fully acknowledging my very real accomplishments in life. The adherence to this identity has kept me small and ignorant to my true inner resources. Letting my consciousness rest in this identity, as if it was actually ME, made me blind to the low hanging fruit around me that COULD bring some money in. So, I am going to put forth some promising hoop business projects that I had waaaay on the back burner. I am going to keep the details to myself for now... but essentially, I am going to use the knowledge and expertise I have in hoop dance, instead of tossing it as if it has no value. I am going to lay a foundation of stability, so I can embark on my new path with the strength that comes from stepping up and providing for ones self. I am still planning on either selling my business or getting someone to manage it for me in the future. But that business will be fat and happy before i hand it off, instead of the sad ignored thing it is now.
The truth is that I would still chose to live in my family home, if I was making more money. I love my parents, and I love my house. I just want to be able to contribute financially to the household, pay my own bills and know I am here because I truly CHOOSE it.
Wish me luck... tally ho!!