I went dancing today with some friends and as always it was both energizing, cathartic and illuminating... Dancing is truly one of the most fruitful practices in my life, both physically and spiritually. While I am dancing, I tend to have a lot of personal insights as well as random fun philosophical threads of thought. If you ever see me on my phone on the dance floor, it is probably because I had to commit the "aha" to the ever growing file on my phone. Tonight, was certainly one of those nights.. I will only share one thing for now, because it made me laugh. That kind of cosmic, "oh yeah!" kind of laughter that often comes from insight or realization. fyi, my FAVORITE thing, maybe in the whole universe, is the cosmic laugh.
Warning.. somewhat lengthy preamble ahead... So, I was on the dance floor doing my usual dance with my inner neurosis... this is in the "fruitful" category I mentioned before. What better way to see and heal your inner programming in the moment then by being single on a dance floor full of (mostly) strangers? At least for me. Random thought forms of wether or not I am still attractive at 41. Wether or not people like how I dance. Will anyone notice me? Am I being too weird? Do people think I am weird?? oh god.. am I WEIRD??? And so on. Yep, welcome to my head (there is more, but you get the idea). Luckily for me, and everyone around me, I have many tools. One of my main tools at the moment is reminding myself what I care more about. Feeling good or what everyone else thinks about me? This was a big take away from the book "The subtle art of not giving a f*ck", by Mark Manson. If you have not read this book.. seriously, get to it! It comes in audible too so you can just listen while you are driving in your car. The other main technique I use is to actively give love to the internal voice/pattern that is making so much racket in my head. As if it was a small child that just needs to be listened to and loved. One of my insights of the night came while I was giving love to the part of me that felt invisible and alone. This time I saw, instead of me as a child, a small, rather piteous little puppy. Instantly I felt all this authentic love come pouring into the image of this little puppy. OMG, this worked so much better for me than trying to love my inner child! No offense to kids, but I don't have any myself and have always given my mothering energy to the animals in my life. I guess its no wonder that the image of a puppy automatically evoked far more loving and nurturing energy from me. So, I went with it. In my minds eye, I picked up that pathetic little puppy and told it that I loved it and would always care for it. Worked like a freakin charm! My heart opened. I felt safe. I relaxed. I danced a little freer and smiled a little wider.
I invite you to try this. It could be anything. What evokes the most protective tenderness in you? Could be a child, or a bird, or a kitten or pretty much anything. The next time you catch yourself worrying, fearful or stressing about anything. Imagine the voice in your head is that kitten or gerbil, or whatever. Pick it up in your arms and just love on it with all the tenderness and adultness you can muster. As in. "I will take care of you." "I love you." "You don't have to worry anymore, I am here now."
The whole practice may seem nuts to some of you. And that's ok. I mean, honestly if you told me I would be imagining my inner wounded voice as a puppy to love, and talking out loud to myself for 20 minutes a day about a fictional past, that is also my future (aka Kylego).. I would have looked at you pretty skeptically. But, its WORKING! I am willing to be a little nutty if it helps me surrender living in the inner turmoil that was a foundation of my existence for so long. Each layer of growth and expansion is more fascinating and fulfilling. I LOVE this crazy beautiful thing called life!
As always, we are all in this together.